DnD with The Wife == 92% a DISASTER!
Welp. It happened last night. Matt and his wife came over. We had dinner, talked a bit, played with our kiddo (2 yr old) and then it was his bed time. I fluttered around the place getting my D&D materials together and setting up the dining room table.
Matt chose to play one of the tanks, which I appreciated with him being the most experienced player of the group, he could draw a lot of the monster attacks and help the ladies to focus more on making attacks and using powers. I had to re-describe the available characters classes as I was letting the ladies choose so they would understand the roles. Matt’s wife chose the rogue, which I described as someone who tries to sneak around and stab people. My wife took the Mage which I described as someone who stands back a bit and casts magic spells.
Things started out well. I explained skill checks and a few were made, successfully too. They seemed to enjoy the puzzle in the first room and solved it without too much hassle.
Then combat came. Initiative was explained and rolled and people began to take their turns. When it came time for my wife’s turn, she moved and decided to cast Magic Missile… and it failed. It wasn’t even a roll that I could fudge and pretend it hit. She rolled like a 4 or something. And that was it for her. Having her turn end in like 10 seconds without any `positive` result seemed to sour the experience for her.
It got to the point where I stopped keeping track of monster HP and decided to do it all based on successful attacks. 3-4 hits per monster would drop them. People still rolled for damage but I just made a tick mark on the paper to indicate damage taken.
On a positive note, Matt’s wife actually enjoyed the session. In fact, during one encounter while the party was attacking an animated statue, Matt successfully hit it for a few points of damage, I recorded the hit, and moved on. Matt’s wife told me to wait and wanted me to describe the detail of the hit, which I had been doing for the rest of the session so far.
“Matt’s longsword connects with the statue. Large chunks of dusty granite fall off of it and hit the floor, breaking in to smaller peieces.”
We could then continue. 
In the end, the party rescued the boys and returned them to town without investigating the rest of the dungeon (WWDDGD2008) and completed the mission.
Wifey said the game was boring and that I’m not a good teacher..to which I admit to. There -might- be a chance that I can run a single player session with her that`ll go over the rules a bit more in depth and allow her to chose another class that may be a bit less `boring` for her.
As `punnishment`, she told me I have to play Mall Maddness next time we all get together.
Ouch…
Um, couldn’t you have played a different style game? Maybe Prime Time Adventures? Something a little less crunchy?
Or what about an intrigue-laden, swashbuckling D&D adventure? Whew.
I could’ve, yes. But I don’t play any of those and it would be a possible frustrating learning experience for us all. Matt and I play D&D once a month together online (with other folks) and the wives have seen us doing so as they leave the door to work night shift at their respective hospitals. I thought it would be nice to let them see/do what/how we play.
oooh, that hurts…
kaeosdad´s last blog post..Eldritch Blaaaast!
Similar experience the first time I tried to include Mrs. VS in a Pirates game I ran for the kids. Her character would NOT attack. “I don’t want to hurt potentially innocent people” (Uh sweetheart, they’re characters on paper).
When on one turn I asked her what her character was doing she stated that her character waved her knife at the pirates and yelled incoherently. She aced her roles and the pirates crit failed. I determined that her character had scared the pirates into jumping overboard.
Mrs. VS quit playing at that point as she didn’t want to “kill” anymore pirates. *sigh*
Vulcan Stev´s last blog post..I Do….
What edition were you playing? For people not used to RPGs or Wargames I’d encourage you to consider the Basic rules from the 80s and make the focus less about combat and more about the exploring and puzzle solving. I’ve got a few hours of actual play recordings on my site from a recent session. Whenever there was combat it was resolved very quickly and with a minimum of fuss. Maybe something like that would work better for your wife.
Stuart´s last blog post..Decided to Buy Savage Worlds Explorer’s Edition
This was the 4th edition Worldwide D&D Game Day module from 2008 – In to the Shadowhaunt.
If I can be so bold to offer some advice…
I have found when roleplaying with my wife that the best method is to teach by demonstration rather than by instruction. Her eyes glaze over whenever I attempt to explain a rule or the reasoning behind it.
So I just go with the game. If she wants to know why or how she asks. I also go heavy with the descriptions and especially make use of sensory description. how things smell, sound and emote. Context is good and I often refer current events to her character’s backstory and current goals in terms of emotional connectivity. Eg “You pause for a grim moment over the cooling bodies of the orc warriors. Then you think of the mothers. The women who are relying on you to rescue their children. And you move on…”
My wife loves Munchkin’s, maybe give that a go next time
Hey, at least you got someone to enjoy the game……even if it was someone else’s wife.
I wouldn’t have fudge that bad first dice roll but maybe you could have give a description of a near-miss. Unless she rolled a 1 then I would probably give her a reroll, call it ‘getting rid of the newbie’s luck’ or something.
I don’t think you really are a bad teacher. Perhaps D&D is just not the right game for your wife.
Why not try a less combat oriented game? It seems as if she enjoyed the non-combat part of the game but got frustrated in combat. Perhaps you should try to run a different kind of RPG next time that focusses more on social interaction, puzzles, mysteries and less on combat and number-crunching.
As crazy as it sounds: Call of Cthulhu is an excellent RPG for newbies.
If they don’t run away screaming that is!
Stargazer´s last blog post..Legend of Zork
It really tickles me to hear other people’s experiences in playing with their SO’s and family – I’ve got a family campaign going on right now that I blog about.
I started off with a solo game, with a mage NPC that has paired up with her. She runs the show, Tironell is there as a backstop and a suggestion/teaching partner. I also have taught her about hirelings and many of the things that a single adventurer would do/use, but mostly as in-game examples. She’s the focus and it’s helped her to learn. When family members jump in to play, from time to time, she feels confident enough to share the stage.
FWIW, I have Magic Missle automatically hit, but I’m also playing with an older version of the game. I wouldn’t/haven’t rerolled anything – I’ve let her learn that sometimes the dice favor you, and sometimes they don’t – the play is the thing in how you react to those situations.
Instead of her feeling left out, perhaps an NPC or hireling could help her or interact with her to get her character involved? I don’t know, it’s hard to suggest when I’m not a part of your flow but maybe you could ask her what would have helped? I always debrief my wife and get comments on how she enjoyed things.
I hope you keep trying/posting about your games with your wife/family.
Chgowiz´s last blog post..Hirelings and other miniatures stuff
For those that are new to commenting here, First, welcome! Second, if its your first time, I usually have to approve the first comment but all future ones on any post are good to go. In this case, the Akisemet thingy flagged it as spam.
But I think I may have gotten her to give it a second go. She wanted this gazebo thing for the backyard but of course ya gotta put it together. She then wanted it anchored to some concrete slabs so it won’t blow away. Lovely. So I asked her.. “if I don’t half-ass this project [as I normally do], what happens?” and she replied. “well I`ll try that D&D thing again”. We`ll see if she means it..and if I don’t half ass the job on accident!
Congrats on getting the wife to play D&D with you. After nearly 20 years of marriage, I finally got my wife to join our game group last September. And you know what? 4E was the first edition of the rules she even wanted to look at and play. Go figure.
She enjoys playing a halfling warlock. All cute and small, but ready to Eldritch Blast anyone that looks cross-eyed at her. It’s adorable and a little scary at the same time.
While it sounds like your wife’s first experience was a little disappointing, see if she’ll try again. Maybe the setting can be more role-playing conducive. I know that for my wife, she enjoys those moments more than the actual gritty combat.
Continued luck!
Dead Orcs´s last blog post..Con Wagon
Aha; the eternal barter of chores for roleplaying.Are you planning on using expansion bolts to attach the uprights to pre-set concrete slabs or are you mixing your own? First method is quicker, second method allows you to inscribe runes of power into the wet mix.
Speaking on behalf of the other gender, I agree with all that has been said about what works best for most of us. While I also enjoy a good fight, especially one that is going my way, it is the role play interaction that holds my interest. Also having a large part in the creation of my own character is important. If I can’t identify with the role I’m playing, it takes away from my game experience much more than bad stats.
But..in regards to the gazebo. I have some reading material you and the Missus might get a chuckle out of.
http://www.brunchma.com/archives/Forum13/HTML/000133.html
That’s a punishment? Mall Madness is up there with Pretty Pretty Princess for Best 9yo girl board game ever.
I didn’t realize my enjoyable experience of D&D was getting published somewhere. Is this what you do until 2 or 3 in the morning on the nights that I work? I will stick to my word and try another go at it IF you put my gazebo together nicely…and you have to play Mall Madness with me!!